Awaken2Life

Good Afternoon all,

I am a bit late in blogging today.  I spent the bulk of my morning with my son in the A&E wing in the hospital (as a matter of fact I spent three hours last night there as well).  He and his brother got into a bit of a row and one minute the door was being shoved back and forth between them and the next *Shlink!* Daniel was wailing hysterically at the top of his lungs missing the top piece of his little finger on the right hand (this was actually quite lucky due to the fact that Daniel is left handed).

Two x-rays, two specialists, and two hospitals later split between two different days, we found that Daniel needed no surgery and that the only long term consequence of the whole fiasco was that the nail will not grow back on that one finger.

That made me consider just how wonderfully resilient the human body is.  With nothing for Dan and us to do but change a dressing when it gets dirty, his mind and body will regenerate all except the nail.  This turned my mind to the complementary therapies.  Often they are viewed as less effective because there is very little intervention from the therapist.  But this is as it should be.  The healing is all done by the client’s mind, body, and spirit.

There is definitely a time for intense intervention, but those cases are a very small percentage in relation to the suffering population.  It is my position that we would see a lot more miraculous healings if we stopped expecting others to heal us and allowed our unified mind, body, and spirit to do so with some guidance from trained therapists and counselors.

Namaste,

Paul

Good Morning all,

When Lyn and are not knee deep in research, one of our favourite pass times is to watch comedy movies.  For two hours we allow our minds to go on autopilot and we just release and laugh.  One of our favourite movies is the re-make of Starsky and Hutch.  And there is one line in that movie that we rattle at one another when impatient about the overly careful manner that the other is handling a situation.  That line is, “Just do it!”

Though this quote brings a laughter it also helps propel the other one into a more profitable state.  One of the presuppositions of NLP is, “If you want to understand, act.” So many times we fool ourselves into thinking that navigating our lives requires us to constantly be assuming a stagnant pose where we bring our fingers to our chins and “think” about all the things that we must do.  In reality this is but a very small part of the process (about 1% of our energies should be put into good outcome thinking).  The bulk of our energies should be in actually doing it.  There is no way that we can receive profitable feedback by simply dreaming.  Sure other people can give their view on your dream (and that is important during the outcome thinking stage), but how will you ever truly know how your dreams will fly (as planned, or modified) if you do not just “Just do it!” ???

In short dear friends lets make dreams realities rather than regrets of things that never were!

Namaste,

Paul

Good morning all,

Yesterday, in my thoughts of the day, I mentioned that there is a stigma when it comes to going to a therapist.  Today I want to delete an incorrect way of thinking that often prevents people from getting the help that they both want and need.

One of the greatest fears one tends to have when visiting a therapist is that s/he will have to bare absolutely everything.  This is not at all the case.  You only need bare everything if it makes things more comfortable for you to do so.  In fact, I work with many clients that find great solace in telling me graphic details. But, this is their choice not the rule.

Because a therapist is a guide to helping one find his/her inner resources, the therapist need only know generalities.  As long as you know the specifics and you carefully apply the therapist’s general suggestions to your specific case, you can keep closeted the things that you want only you to know about and receive healing.  This process may be applied in or out of a trance. 

So come on.  No more excuses! Live your dreams!

Namaste,

Paul

Honesty is one of those traits that everyone, well most people, believes they possess.  Just listen to everyday speech… how many times do you hear ‘honestly mate’ or ‘it’s the honest truth’?

In reality most of us are far from honest and the person we tell the biggest fibs to is ourself!

I’m sure you’ve told yourself at one point or another that you didn’t really eat that much, you could afford the new car and that you were happy just the way you were.  I know I have told these lies and do you know what? They didn’t help me one bit.

When you reach a point in your life when you want to change you can no longer afford to lie to youself.  If you do then positive changes won’t occur and you’ll be back in the same rut as before.

This brutal honesty is hard and often painful but when realised is liberating.  So the bottom line is, if you have to lie to your therapist that’s one thing (although I don’t recommend it!) but never, never, never lie to yourself.

Lyn

Good Morning all,

Lyn and I love to say, “Anytime is the right time for a therapist”.  All tongue and cheek put aside though, this is truly an issue that needs to be addressed. 

Sadly, today there is still a stigma about seeing a therapist.  People tend to believe that seeing a therapist is an admittance that they cannot handle their problems themselves.  This thought eats at them, so in order not to receive the bad press they attempt to solve the problem without knowing how or they go on living pretending that there is no problem.  The end result of either of these two routes is suffocation.  Why spend life miserably when there is so much out there to enjoy (so much so in fact that no one person can taste it all in one life time)?

I will honestly tell you that there is not a single person out there that can handle all of his/her own problems.  We, as humans, are social creatures.  We gain our strength, esteem, and joy from interacting with one another.  With that said, let us circle back to the question, “When do I need a therapist”

There are two reference points that give you the answer:

• You are not pleased with any area of your life and you feel unable to get to where you want to be.
• None of your many relationships (including the one that you have with yourself) helps you to get to where you want to be.

Namaste,

Paul 

Good morning all,

Today while researching in-between clients I began to ponder on the obstacles that a therapist encounters.  The first one that came to my mind is what I like to call “The expectation factor”

When a person comes in for therapy (whether physical, mental, or spiritual) s/he is overwrought and feels weighed down.  And because the agony the person feels is so extreme, s/he gets the mistaken idea that returning to health must require copious time, lots of medication, great pain, or all three.  This is rarely the case.  The human body is a self maintaining unit that is capable of returning a person to complete health in relatively short periods of time.  We have a problem accepting this fact today, because in our attempts to learn more about healing we formed complex theories.

Complex theories were a good start, because they show that we are putting our all into finding important answers.  However, complexity should only be a temporary state.  Once we have accumulated the relevant information it is the next necessary evolutionary step to take that knowledge and simplify it so that anyone can make use of it easily.  I will go one step further and say, ”If we as therapists do our job correctly, every client should walk into our offices expecting to be healed in a reasonable period of time.”

Namaste,

Paul

Hello all,

Lyn and I are back on the fast track after spending a lovely week end with some dear friends.  This week end very nearly did not take place due to some crossed communications.  And it is this situation that I would like to share some thoughts on today.

On Friday our dear friends had told Lyn and I that they would call in the morning of Saturday in order to finalise plans.  The clock turned 14:00 on Saturday and we still had not heard from them (keep in mind that we were excitedly awaiting their call and were keeping our ears open for our land line as well as our cell phones).  Lyn and I could not figure it out.  At last we somehow got it into our minds that perhaps our friends were gracefully trying to bow out, so we elected to spend what was left of the day as well as the evening in London.  Originally we had elected not to call, because we did not want to put our friends on the spot.  Then the side of me that seeks justice decided that it was not fair to give them an easy out if they were indeed bowing out, so Lyn and I gave them a call.  It turned out that they had been trying to call us on our land-line since 9:30a.m.  They thought that we had bowed out on them.  In reality what happened was, that their calls were logged in a different place because they had not left a message.  It took about ten minutes to get it all sorted.

This made me consider how often we let our imaginations lead us to false conclusions.  Without even talking to the other couple, Lyn and I had formed a false assumption that we both believed (this in therapy is known as “mind reading”).  Had I not have gone with that voice that demanded justice (my intuition) we would have further offended a wonderful couple who had done nothing but keep their word.  Though in all integrity I must point out here that I thought that I was gleaning justice for myself at first, but my voice called me to do the right thing for them not me.

The lesson I got from this?  To save time and emotions stay away from mind reading and trust your intuition.

Namaste,

Paul

I was thinking back to a time when my youngest daughter was four (I am afraid that I replay memories of my children at various stages quite frequently).  I had given her an ice cream and had taken it for granted that she would put the wrapper in the trash when she was done (after all that was the action that I taught her).  Instead I came in and found the mushy vanilla soaked packet lying on my just shampooed carpet.  I was furious!  I shook my finger at her and said in a grouchy voice, “How could you do this?  You know that I expect you to throw away your rubbish!”  She raised herself up on her toes and leaned as close to me as she could and said, “Daddy I never agreed to do that all the time.” At first I stood there shocked, and then I began to shake with laughter.  This beautiful child had perfectly illustrated how one persons expectations of another can lead to anger when he or she does not respond in the manner the person wanted.

I end this walk down memory lane with a question to consider and a thought.

In our day to day life, how often do each of us get angry when another responds differently than we expected?

The truth is everyone responds in the way that his or her experiences and filters allow.  To expect a certain response is to be selfish and to lose out in seeing the world in a different way.  We cannot grow or truly love until we extend our comfort zones and simply accept what is is what is=)…lol (say that ten times fast)

Namaste,

Paul

I wanted to share a true tale about a lady I met twenty years ago.  Her face still surfaces in my mind when on rare occurrence I am tempted to give up on someone.  Perhaps the face shines strong in my mind today because the heat sent my mind drifting back to hanging out with other surfers on a pier in Southern California.

I was standing by my board when I heard a sound that hurt my ears.  It was somewhere between a cat getting skinned and a dirge sung off key.  Goose bumps rose on my flesh; I was sure that someone was getting hurt.  Under the illusion that most have at twenty (you know the crazy belief that one is indestructible), I raced to where the sound was coming from.  Imagine my surprise when I saw one of the strangest ladies that I have ever met dancing and chanting in the middle of the beach.  I wanted to walk away, but there was something about her that was enchanting.

She was old, haggard, and had the mixed matched fashion of the homeless.  Her hair was oily and her hands and face covered in dirt.  But her eyes shined like the morning star.  I watched others as they too looked on.  They shook their heads, muttered about nutters, and walked away as fast as possible.  Yet still I stood there.

After a few minutes her eyes looked into mine and she said, “Most believe me crazy…what do you have to say?”  Words had left me; such an honest and forward question unnerved me and threw me off guard.  She cackled at me.  “It seems we were destined to meet today”, she said.  “You see I have not found anyone to listen to my ramblings in years, but here you are a man without a tongue.”  She reached out and took my hand and I found myself ushered to a quite place in the beach.  She sat beside me and began to speak.

She told me the story of her life.  I will not share it here for it is long and has no bearing on the thought I wish to share at the end.  After speaking for two hours, she stood up and said, “Thank you for listening; it was all that I needed.  I am ready to return to the land of the living now.”  With that she kissed my forehead and walked away.

I shook my head, returned to my board and rode the waves as I pondered on all that she had said.

Two weeks later as I sat on the beach waxing my board I heard a cheery voice call out, “Good morning tongueless one; I hoped that I might find you here.  What do you think?” I looked up to see the most beautiful old lady; she was absolutely radiating.  I would never have recognised her but for her eyes.  “As I promised, I came back into the world of the living.  Your listening made all the difference.  Thank you.”  Then she walked away and I never saw her again.

This wondrous woman taught me that the greatest component of healing is simply listening.  She had found her own redemption simply because she was able to get everything out in front of a person that did not judge or interrupt her.  When she was able to hear all of her own thoughts without interference, she was able to find her own path.

This woman’s case is not one that holds in isolation.  The majority of the people that I have the privilege to work with quickly find their own path as we talk.  Every human has the ability to free himself or herself, all they need is one who will listen.  As a counsellor and therapist I have studied how to ask the right questions to get one talking easier and this is as it should be, but my greatest gift to my client is still just my ears.

Namaste,

 Paul

Good morning,

Well another hot one by English standards=)  I hope that all of you are sitting somewhere reasonably cool.

I received an email from a friend today praising the anonymity that the new technology allows us to have.  He made many points that sound good on the surface (such as you can discuss personal problems that shame you without having to look into another’s face).  However, the more I considered this point and his various others I found myself becoming truly uncomfortable.  As always when I feel this sort of incongruity in my system I began to question why. 

The main issue that stood out in my mind is that man is a social being that derives his esteem, views, beliefs, and identity from interacting with others.  This interaction is far more than simply the words and sights that one receives from another (these can be compensated for in virtual reality).  It is also touch (whether that is aura to aura or body to body) which cannot be duplicated (even with all of the latest shock pads=)…lol ).

As a therapist I use all the latest technology that I can lay my hands on (I am on a budget after all), but I encourage my clients to arrange a face to face whenever possible.  Of course there are circumstances that make this difficult or downright impossible (clients beyond my travel range, or very limited amounts of time for example).  I just feel that we should accept this great technology for what it is “a way to reach the unreachable” rather than as a crutch.  Lean to heavily on it and it will rob us of truly living.  The brilliant technology that surrounds us is simply a commodity whose usage we must learn to balance.

Namaste,

Paul