I wanted to share a true tale about a lady I met twenty years ago. Her face still surfaces in my mind when on rare occurrence I am tempted to give up on someone. Perhaps the face shines strong in my mind today because the heat sent my mind drifting back to hanging out with other surfers on a pier in Southern California.
I was standing by my board when I heard a sound that hurt my ears. It was somewhere between a cat getting skinned and a dirge sung off key. Goose bumps rose on my flesh; I was sure that someone was getting hurt. Under the illusion that most have at twenty (you know the crazy belief that one is indestructible), I raced to where the sound was coming from. Imagine my surprise when I saw one of the strangest ladies that I have ever met dancing and chanting in the middle of the beach. I wanted to walk away, but there was something about her that was enchanting.
She was old, haggard, and had the mixed matched fashion of the homeless. Her hair was oily and her hands and face covered in dirt. But her eyes shined like the morning star. I watched others as they too looked on. They shook their heads, muttered about nutters, and walked away as fast as possible. Yet still I stood there.
After a few minutes her eyes looked into mine and she said, “Most believe me crazy…what do you have to say?” Words had left me; such an honest and forward question unnerved me and threw me off guard. She cackled at me. “It seems we were destined to meet today”, she said. “You see I have not found anyone to listen to my ramblings in years, but here you are a man without a tongue.” She reached out and took my hand and I found myself ushered to a quite place in the beach. She sat beside me and began to speak.
She told me the story of her life. I will not share it here for it is long and has no bearing on the thought I wish to share at the end. After speaking for two hours, she stood up and said, “Thank you for listening; it was all that I needed. I am ready to return to the land of the living now.” With that she kissed my forehead and walked away.
I shook my head, returned to my board and rode the waves as I pondered on all that she had said.
Two weeks later as I sat on the beach waxing my board I heard a cheery voice call out, “Good morning tongueless one; I hoped that I might find you here. What do you think?” I looked up to see the most beautiful old lady; she was absolutely radiating. I would never have recognised her but for her eyes. “As I promised, I came back into the world of the living. Your listening made all the difference. Thank you.” Then she walked away and I never saw her again.
This wondrous woman taught me that the greatest component of healing is simply listening. She had found her own redemption simply because she was able to get everything out in front of a person that did not judge or interrupt her. When she was able to hear all of her own thoughts without interference, she was able to find her own path.
This woman’s case is not one that holds in isolation. The majority of the people that I have the privilege to work with quickly find their own path as we talk. Every human has the ability to free himself or herself, all they need is one who will listen. As a counsellor and therapist I have studied how to ask the right questions to get one talking easier and this is as it should be, but my greatest gift to my client is still just my ears.
Namaste,
Paul
